Why "Fed" isn't "Best"

So I've seen so much of this "Breast is Best" vs "Fed is Best" debate online lately and it's been on my mind. But before you all come after me, let me explain why I hate the expression "Fed is Best" so much. There are a couple reasons. If you're not convinced by the end of this post then I'd love to hear from you :)

First, it actually makes no sense. The discussion is about breastfeeding vs formula feeding, not about whether to feed or not. The other side of the "Fed is Best" debate is what...? Not Fed is best? Maybe I'm being a stickler for semantics, but it's just dumb. Fed is kinda the mandatory minimum here guys...

The second reason is also why I hate the expression "Breast is Best" just as much. It's.Not.A.Competition. Louder for those in the back. Both of these catchphrases were just designed to pit one group of people against another in a debate that shouldn't even exist. Why do we need to compare notes on this? It's precisely because of this mom-shaming that people have felt that they need to come up with these slogans to begin with. I get why the "Fed is Best" movement is so huge - it's a response to years of guilt piled on thick to moms who can't or choose not to breastfeed, after hearing "Breast is Best" chanted over and over at them like a mantra they need to adopt. None of us owe anyone a response on how we choose to raise our kids, as long as they are happy and healthy, you're doing it right!

And the third reason is this: Motherhood cannot possibly be summed up in these tidy little one-liners. Every decision we make is so much more nuanced than that. And believe me, nothing anyone out there is saying (including this blog post!) can possibly come close to the internal monologue we are already having with ourselves over every tiny detail of our kids lives, let alone something as major as feeding them. The worry, guilt, second-guessing and self-doubt don't need any outside help, thank you very much! You want a catchphrase? Try "Leave moms alone, we're doing our best".

Now, all that being said - I am still a huge advocate for breastfeeding. It makes sense to me that human babies drink human milk, and I also think that people don't factor in the environmental impact of formula production when making their choice. We should probably talk about that more. I also believe that every mother who chooses to breastfeed should have access to all the help she needs to succeed, cause it ain't easy! And unfortunately, because of all the mom-shaming out there, there are now some mothers (like me), who actually feel a bit guilty talking about breastfeeding their kids, and how proud they are about it, for fear of making formula feeding moms feel bad. Why do we do this to ourselves?!? We are allowed to have opinions and make choices and have different parenting strategies.

So the point it this: Breastfeed and proud? Shout it out!! Formula feed and are proud? Shout it out!! Wanted to breastfeed but couldn't? Wanted to formula feed but were guilted into breastfeeding and hated it? Turned out loving it? Shout it out!! Let's talk about ALL the experiences, because I can guarantee there is another mom somewhere thinking she is all alone, and needs to hear different.

And for the love of all that is holy - just stop it with the mom-shaming (in both directions)!!

N.B. This was a hard post to write. I actually sent it to a friend before publishing, asking her to tell me if I sounded "preachy", since that's the very thing I am trying to advocate against. She gave me the go-ahead, so I'll just forward any negative criticism to her ;)

Clearly just kidding. But honestly would love to hear your feedback xoxo