Bye Bye Boo-EH

Let me first start with an explanation. For some reason beyond me, a boo-eh is the name Finn has chosen for his pacifier. We call it a soothie, but it sounds nothing like that (I've been meaning to write a post about the secret language of toddlers, and this is why :)

So about the boo-eh...Finn turned 2 in September, and I didn't want to be one of those parents you see with a 6 year old clinging to a pacifier. I know every parent's battle is different, and there may be a good reason for it in some cases, but for us, not kicking the habit earlier has just been laziness. We knew it would be difficult since he was SOOOO attached, and I also figured that with a new baby sister, and lots of soothie stealing opportunities, it might not be a good idea to start weaning him off it before.

About 3 weeks ago though, we decided it was time. We had hoped he would start losing interest when we restricted soothie usage to nap and bedtime a few weeks prior to that, but it had just sparked a renewed interest. Instead of using it less and less, he was asking for it more and more, even when it wasn't time to sleep. Time to go cold turkey.

So one Saturday afternoon, when we went to tuck him in for his nap, we 'discovered' that all the soothies were broken!! Daisy had gone into his room and chewed off the tips of every last one of them. He bought the story (despite the giant gaping hole in it - Daisy can't climb the stairs anymore and hasn't been upstairs in Finn's lifetime lol). It's an understatement to say he was upset though. There was yelling, and crying, and even Finn had a tantrum :p

I promised to get a new one 'tomorrow'. And the day after I promised to get one 'tomorrow' also...and after a few days he stopped asking. And by some fluke toddler logic calculation, he hasn't figured out that he can take Charlie's, despite the fact that he steals toys and puff crackers from her on the regular.

So all good, right?

Wrong. Because every mother has to question themselves...

Since the boo-ehs were all broken, I've noticed some changes in Finn. He has a hard time falling asleep and won't do it alone (I need to sit in his room - he never needed that before). He is extremely attached to me, like I can't leave a room for a minute, he runs after me yelling (whining) maaaammmmaaaaaa!!! And he has started to put his fingers in his mouth ALL day long. His molars are coming in, so I know it's bugging him, but he never did this with previous teeth. And in general, he just seems more...moody. Normal toddler stuff for sure (NO MAMA!!!), but different in this post-soothie world.

So it all has me thinking - am I responsible for these changes in behaviour? For changing his perfect little personality? Who am I to steal this piece of his babyhood from him? I took something that he took comfort in, and ripped it away from him. What kind of monster does that?! My head KNOWS it was the right thing to do, but at the same time I wonder - what is the impact of all these decisions we make for our babies?

We make tons of decisions every day for our kids. What they wear and eat. Where they go. Who they see. What toys to keep out and which to put away....and on and on. Most of these are small things, but every now and then we make bigger choices for them. Moving to the big bed, weaning, getting rid of a ratty old blanket...ditching the soothie. And I'm not saying it's a bad thing, of course we all have to make decisions for our kids, and I will continue to do so, hoping that it's always in his best interests. But as a mom, I realize that these simple things, even if they don't really have an impact on your kid, will definitely keep you up at night wondering if you did the right thing.